Fruits of the Spirit

I was talking to one of my friends tonight and she started saying that she would be completely satisfied in life if she had all the fruits of the Spirit all the time....not money and worldly success. That's a difficult, especially in our cash-driven society, but I think it's possible.

It got me thinking about where the fruits are shown in my life...or if they are at all. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

I think I know how to show love, I just don't always do it.

I have joy...I think joy stems from hope...when I look at people dealing with trials in life without Jesus...I seriously don't know how they do it. There is joy because I know that I'll always truly be taken care of...my soul will always have a home.

Peace--blessed are the peacemakers. Sometimes I like a good challenge and I think that can go overboard. I am not afraid of conflict, but I only use conflict to come to a resolution...which I think is peace. I am not really one to run from a conflict because conflict is simply an unresolved dispute...running from it doesn't resolve it. But, in resolving a conflict, I find you have to be wise enough to resolve it in a way to prevent future conflict...a tough balance.

Patience--I struggle with this...I am a "doer" and I like to see things accomplished before my eyes. Sitting back and waiting is difficult for me...

Kindness...kinda falls in with Love. I know how, I just may not always be that way.

Goodness--not sure exactly what that means...if it means having all these fruits mastered...then I'm not. I try to weed out the bad in my life and strive for the good.

Faithfulness--I keep my word...but have a hard time trusting others to. I was talking to the same friend about that. Loyalty is huge with me in relationships...I have few close friends, but the ones that are close...I would take a bullet for, literally.

Gentleness--tough thing for a guy to do...sometimes I think we think it is a knock on masculinity. I don't think it means you have to dance ballet...just be tactful and non-abrasive in your conversations with others. I try to be that way...doesn't always work (patience)

Self-control--I think I have a decent will-power. My word is important to me...if I say I will do something I will...if I tell myself I will do something, I do...or try like crazy to.

Yeah, after evaluating that list...I have some work to do.

Virtue/Trials

Haven't written in awhile, and I feel like saying something...but I'm not so sure what again. The Mexico trip is really coming along and I'll be in Nueva Rosita a little more than two weeks from now. I cut my hair shorter than ever before because I don't want to mess with it anymore. Isn't life like that sometimes? You cut out the things that are giving you the most resistence. Sometimes I think you find yourself liberated...other times you may find yourself leading an unchallenging and therefore unwise life.

Life seems to be a balance of many different things. For me to name them here would be impossible...but I think Aristotle was on to something when he said that moderation is generally where virtue is found...

Being easygoing is better than being uptight or obnoxious. Having courage is the virtue that stands between being foolish and being a coward. So, if you don't allow yourself to have trials you become weak and reliant upon others. If you go through too many trials you become hardened to the world and focused upon your defense. I feel as if I am always being tested and try to fight through anything handed to me. I know, however, that sometimes it's best to walk away and fight another day on another battlefield with better odds.

I find that my singer/songwriter skills are coming more into focus...I guess I just needed a good break up ;). I've really been able to get more into my music lately, and each song says something about me. I try to put meaning in every song...but I think the music says something...the melody speaks more truth about me than the words probably ever could. Interesting but true. Sometimes words are a petty excuse for communication...music and art seem to speak what the soul has to say....words speak what the mind has to say. I'll stop there...

character

Things I wondered about today on my trip to Lincoln (I helped my brother and sister-in-law move from A to B in Lincoln)....

In 1st Corinthians when Paul says he became all things to all people for the sake of sharing the Gospel, he said he became weak to the weak and a Jew to the Jewish. I was just interested in why he said he'd be weak to the weak and not STRONG to the weak. Interesting...I think there is a deep meaning here...I just am not sure what it is. Does it mean when someone cries, cry with them instead of consoling them...or does it simply mean have empathy, placing yourself in their shoes to have an intimate idea of their wants, needs, and how they can specifically be helped by the Gospel (besides the obvious Salvation factor). I don't know...but I want to...any ideas?

Another thing...I started to think of this when I was reading another friend's post about being herself. I wrote earlier that I don't struggle with the whole porn thing...I just don't get the whole thing...I understand the beauty of a woman's body, but I don't understand the infatuation with computer screens and magazines (dig that rhyme?). Anyway, I just wonder if we are all given a "thorn in our flesh" to overcome by God. I think there is a reason beyond my simple DNA or raising that makes me not so tempted by porn, but tempted by other things...I think God wants to give me a special character, different from everyone else...I think everyone's character is unique. So, the reason I don't struggle with porn but I struggle more with other things...because God wants to use me in a different area than a guy that does struggle with that...and that area requires a different character molded by the overcoming of sin with God's help. I hope that makes sense. We all struggle with different things because we all need a different type of character to fulfill different aspects of God's will here on Earth? Make sense...hopefully to you, then you can explain it to me.

Here I was going to talk about my ex-girlfriend and our relationship (the symbolism and things I've learned, not the inner workings or good/bad things that happened)...it's been 2 months since we broke up...and I was going to talk more about that. But, that's not for the public setting...there are personal things that should remain between two friends and God... I miss her friendship and know now that it wasn't meant to be...I don't hold that against her or me...it's not our faults...God has a different plan, that's all...I don't regret the relationship for a second.

I'm excited to see that plan unfold, though I know there is probably more pain on the horizon...but where there is pain there is growth and wisdom and there can't help but be happiness and the truest of loves on the horizon as well. So I embrace the future, never forgetting the past...I'll remember the fond memories and learn from the unpleasant, leaving nothing behind but carrying the good with the bad as I continue to mold, shape, and forge my character.

love

I've sat here for a little while now and I'm not really sure what to write. I have a lot of ideas that rush through my head during the day and I wish I was able to write them all down...then you try to harness creative energy...and NOTHING.

I guess the thing I've thought a lot about these days...and reflected in my previous posts...is that being human isn't easy. And I don't think being a man is easy (no offense to the girls...if I was a girl I wouldn't think it was easy either). When you think about it...there's so much to think about. I don't know what's better...to sit and ponder all that we face everyday...the expectations, the social stigmas, the shear confusion that comes when we try to make sense of it all. Seriously, recently I've had such a hard time understanding God...and I actually think it's a blessing. Here's what I mean...

Until I was about 20 I thought I had the Bible pretty much figured out. I had read a great deal of it and been to about every Bible study this campus has to offer (those were the days when I would classify myself as a religious "leech" who went to Christian events but never really did anything, gave anything, or made many connections with others).

Yeah, I figured everything out. I learned that the Sunday school answers I had learned when I was little such as "God," "Jesus," and "The Bible" were traded out in College for slightly more complicated (yet far to simple) answers such as "Accoutability," "Dying to yourself," Quiet Time," and "Prayer". So yeah...I tried all those things...well except for accountability. I have a great deal of mental discipline due to the things I overcame on my own mentally as a child...so I have found that accountability groups don't really do much for me. They provide me with no more motivation than I give myself (I am exceptionally demanding on myself...and I've never been one to take orders from a group). For some it works...and I am invovled in a group...but my answer to myself is always "don't do it". I don't struggle with the things that a lot of guys struggle with such as porn (I just don't get it...seriously, I don't...flesh and blood girls tempt me but I've never struggled with porn) or alcoholism or etc. I do struggle with things but it is mainly in my head and a group has a hard time keeping me from thinking, ya know?

Sorry for the sidenote. Anyway...I think the answer to life lies in Love...it makes sense right? Jesus said the greatest things are faith, hope, and love....the greatest is love. Small words with HUGE consequences. You think you know what love is? Define it without using an action to describe it. Hard huh? We know love when we see it though. Kinda like the cliche way of describing God like wind...can't see it but feel it? I think it's hard to separate love from an action because love does nothing for us if it is just some ideal that we think about. It is only good when put into action...it is a verb. So...right now I'm trying to love people. Show genuine interest in others for no other reason than because they are people...God's creatures (he said we were good) that deserve to be heard, listenend to, believed in, encouraged, and protected from the sick world that surrounds us. It feels good to love and it feels good to be loved. Hippies were on to something except for the whole "free love" and illcit drug thing. "All ya need is love"...and true love comes from Jesus...he is love...He is the definition of love..."there is no greater love than when a man lays down his life for his friends." Yeah...I wanna follow that guy.

money...sing me a new song

I am not so satisfied with life as it is sold here in the U.S. I get really tired of people who continuously believe that money, corporate success, and power is where it's at. Here's the lyrics to another song I wrote about it...

Don't need no fancy car or Harvard degree
Don't wanna live a life of Luxury

I find that beauty's in the simple things
Not pretty girls with diamond rings

So if you hear me won't you sing along
We're gonna sing ourselves a new song...

Open up the doors and let the people sing
Open up your hearts and let the Spirit overflow
Open up your eyes, see what this life brings
Open up your mouths and sing out a new song

human

this is a song I wrote the other night at about midnight...I guess it's kinda self explanatory, but it's all about how it just hurts sometimes to be a human....just being human. Life is enough to get you down, and I don't think I could make it without God...even with God, though, we live in a fallen world. Therefore, it sometimes just hurts to be a human. I wrote this after waking up one day and not wanting to face the day. Not that I wanted to die...more that I didn't want to do life that day...go through all of it...the pain, the boredom, the weary...people blowing each other up, people dying...sadness....all of that. But we get through it...

I hurt sometimes cuz I'm human
I bleed sometimes cuz I'm human
and I lie sometimes cuz I'm human
Gonna die sometime cuz I'm human

I want a woman cuz I'm a man
Want to impress her cuz I'm a man
Can't show my distress cuz I'm a man
I wanna be by myself cuz I'm a man

Don't give up...even when the dam breaks
I'll be by your side.
And don't give in...when the water rushes in,
I'll be holding your hand

I wanna fight sometimes cuz I'm a man
I'm gonna lose sometimes cuz I'm human
But I'll try sometimes because I'm a man
Gonna die sometime cuz I'm human