Tough week...

Well it's been an interesting week. I had a great time in Kearney this past weekend, hanging out with some really good people. I always enjoy hanging out them...refreshing...a change from the rat race here. Yesterday was Monday and I felt it. I didn't really want to start another week of school. As I was on my way to pick up my Huskers tickets, I was caught in a speed trap on O Street...I was going 35 (normal speed limit) in a school zone (25 mph). The officer gave me a $94 ticket and sent me on my way. Last night on the news, I saw that the LPD issued 100 citations yesterday in similar traps. I was really mad about it...it seemed pretty petty. I'm still a bit mad.

Then I went home and tried to study...sometimes the books here seem like they're written in Chinese. These people write in a crazy way...sometimes it takes me 30 minutes to read 4 pages in order to really understand it...sometimes more. You can't breeze over the reading...you have to wrestle with it and ask yourself questions about what it means. Sometimes you leave feeling defeated and sometimes you leave feeling amazing. Right now...I feel amazing...yesterday, defeat...earlier today...defeat. Right now is good though.

There's something about not understanding something...then working like crazy...and then finally having it all click for you. I think it happened today. I switched up some of my reading/study habits and now I am understanding some things a bit better. I'm no expert by any means...and in the 2nd week, I can already see that it's getting harder...more difficult cases, difficult concepts...vague areas. I think I can make it though.

It continues to show me that anything worth having is worth fighting for. If you really want something, you'll do what you need to get there. Often, when you see the costs beforehand, you may reevaluate whether you really want what you're about to battle for. It's much easier to want something...embark on the path to get it...and then at the end, realize you went through a lot to get there. If you'd have known the costs before you embarked...would you have even started the journey?

That makes me think about how tough Jesus was. Here's a guy who knew what he had to achieve...but he knew full well what the costs would be to get there. I think that's amazing. When you know what will come...it can be hard to convince yourself that it's worth it. Yet, he...after knowing of his future torchure and death...decided that it was worth it. Remember who you serve.

Bright Eyes "Bowl of Oranges" lyrics---taming the tongue

The rain had started tapping
On the window near my bed
There was a loophole in my dreaming
So I got out of it
And to my surprise my eyes were wide
And already open
Just my nightstand and my dresser
Where those nightmares had just been

So I dressed myself and left then
Out into the gray streets
But everything seemed different
Completely new to me
The sky, the trees, houses, buildings
Even my own body
And each person I encountered
I couldn't wait to meet

And I came upon a doctor
Who appeared in quite poor health
I said, "There's nothing I can do for you
You can't do for yourself"
He said, "Oh, yes you can, just hold my hand
I think that that would help"
So I sat with him a while
And I asked him how he felt
He said, "I think I'm cured
No, in fact I'm sure of it
Thank you stranger
For your theraputic smile"

So that's how I learned the lesson
That everyone's alone
And your eyes must do some raining
If you're ever gonna grow
When crying don't help, you can't compose yourself
It's best to compose a poem
An honest verse of longing
Or a simple song of hope

That's why I'm singing, baby, don't worry
Because now I've got your back
And every time you feel like crying
I'm gonna try to make you laugh
And if I can't, if it just hurts too bad
Then we'll wait for it to pass
And I will keep you company
Through those days so long and black

We'll keep working on the problem
We know we'll never solve
Of love's uneven remainders
Our lives are fractions of a whole
But if the world could remain within a frame
Like a painting on a wall
Then I think we'd see the beauty then
And stand staring in awe

At our still lives posed
Like a bowl of oranges
Like a story told
By the fault lines and the soil


I really like this song by Bright Eyes...every time I listen to it, it makes me think. I especially like the part at the beginning when a Doctor's illness is cured not by medicine but by a stranger's theraputic smile. Sometimes I think we try to complicate the world's problems. All we're looking for is a friend, and a simple hope that everything will be alright. Where we find that hope varies...some never find it, but cover it up with shallow relationships or self-medication. Medication isn't really the anwer, is it? Maybe a theraputic smile is all this world really needs from us...maybe if Christians wore more theraputic smiles this world would be a different place...maybe there'd be more Christians (both because new Christians would be converted and those who were "Christians" would begin to strive to live up to the name they bare.)

I gotta tell ya, I've had an interesting past couple days of thinking. I think I have an issue of not displaying a theraputic smile...too often my tongue is filled with negative comentary on the happeneings around me. It's most destructive when it's critical of other people...I'm learning that when someone rubs me wrong, it's best I shut my mouth. God's Kingdom is not furthered by my destructive tongue but impeded. I make a pitiful example of a Christian in those times...I'm a bit upset with myself at the moment. Anyway, we learned not to say anything about someone unless it was good in about 1st grade...and I still have difficulties with it. Ridiculous. Sometimes I wonder if it goes beyond that...not only should we not say negative things...we should not think negative things about another. If we thought about those around us in a positive light, it would blind us from their negative aspects...what good is it in finding the bad in everyone? We're all humans...it's a much greater find to find the good in someone, is it not? Why do we settle for concentrating on the coal instead of continuing to search for a diamond in someone? Anyway, James says it best...something that's convicted me this week.

James 3:1-12
Taming the Tongue
1Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. 2We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.
3When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
7All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, 8but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
9With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. 10Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. 11Can both fresh water and salt[a] water flow from the same spring? 12My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

1-L.....W-1

I law school they call first-year students "1-L's"...I don't know if that means 1 "law" or "1st Level"...

Aside from the literal meaning of "1-L", I've come to find that there are many other definitions. Dean Wilborn said that "This will be the most challenging, yet invigorating and rewarding years of your life." Some people equate 1-L with misery, others with defeat, and still others with victory and pride. Whatever it is...I haven't even begun to get my feet wet.

So, I have the title of 1-L and this was my first week "W-1". I've attended each of my classes and have a decent understanding of the subject material thus far (torts, contracts, civil procedure, property, legal research and writing). On my second day of contracts, however, our professor asked, "So, how's law school." He heard several students reply with the cliche..."Good," and answered, "well, it'll get worse." From what I hear, he's right.

In about 2 or 3 weeks it'll all hit and an overwhelming gust of papers and reading and difficult material will be with it (kinda like the white horse of the apocalypse...unlike that horse, however, there is some hope. "Hell" itself won't actually follow it...I hope). Anyway, the idea is to overwhelm us and put the word "can't" in our heads. Fortunately, about 90% of students get through their first year without quitting or flunking out.

I have enjoyed the first week...one class was a bit difficult, but I see where the professor was going now. It's altogether different from undergrad. You can read material and understand it...then go to class and have literally no idea...not even a starting point of where the professor is going. He talks in some other language and uses examples that don't pertain to the reading..."Is this guy a horrible teacher, or is he trying to scare us...or both?" That all runs through your head. Truth is, after the first week I don't even consider myself a law student yet. I've only done about 2 or 3 hours of homework a day/night and have had plenty of time to hang out with my friends/family. I'm going to Kearney tomorrow to see my friends one last time before the storm actually hits. The quiet before the storm...you can't let it put you in a daze of pride and self-assurance...I can hear it rumbling in the distance.

So, that was my first week...I understood the material and had time to do it...I hope I can say that 4 weeks from now.

One other thing that makes law school different...we have one final at the end of the year. We have a midterm right before Christmas Break...but it only counts for 25% of your grade. Therefore, it is difficult to tell if you actually understand what's going on...there's no quiz that lets you know if you're completely off. Our comprehensive final in May will require that we know the material very very well...a lot of material. Most classes don't allow outlines on the test...that's for studying. So, I will have created an outline of 60 pages (more or less) for a test in May and will use it to try to memorize concepts...then we are tested and go home. In May I'll know if I'm coming back next year.

Well...I'll enjoy this weekend and take it as it comes. What doesn't kill me will make me stronger...and books never killed anybody (unless swung...I don't think that'll be a problem).

Mental spew

I went to they gym tonight...it's the first time I've lifted in a week...and before that I hadn't lifted (formally) for 3 months but I did work construction, so I don't feel so bad. Anyway, I worked for 3 months lifting bricks and stuff...but the day after I lifted in a gym, I was reeeally sore. It's amazing how you can lift things all day...then go and lift something else for less than an hour and make yourself miserable. It's all about becoming one dimentional really. I had worked up one group of muscles and basically neglected the other groups that I didn't need.

I worry that that is how my mind may become with law school. When I sit and watch t.v....I think about the cases I read earlier...I wonder if I understand everything to the degree that I should for tomorrow...then forget about tomorrow...what about our one and only test at the end of the semester!? I could bomb one test and say goodbye to law school (a bit overexaggerated...but for the sake of how it feels...). My mind is spinning...and not only is one side of my mind being exercised to the max...I worry that the other side of my mind (thinking about spiritual stuff) may go into remission. Furthermore...I don't want my physical and spiritual self to be sacraficed for the sake of my intellect. When one part of the tripartite self (mind, body, soul) gets out of balance...I wonder if it has a converse effect on the other parts? It's all about balance.

After I lifted tonight I rode my bike home to my house and I just got up off the couch after thinking I might throw up. It happens from time to time...I haven't actually thrown up from exercise directly sense high school...but the threat is always there. Then I got to thinking again. I wonder if when you overdo it with your mind...do you mentally spew? Maybe that's what I'm doing right now?

Do you get to a point mentally and spiritually when you've just done too much and nothing good can come out of pushing it anymore? Huh...just a thought. Well, my stomach is settled and it's time to get a shower (sometimes when you get queesy taking a shower will throw you over the edge...it's best to wait). Round two of law school tomorrow...peace

LAW SCHOOL

Today it began...the next three years will be dominated and continuously steered by the fact that I am a law student. After orientation today, I found that this inevitably means that my relationships outside of law school will suffer somewhat. In listening to students at the law college speak about their first year, one 3rd year student said that during his first year at law school, he went to the college at 8:30 in the morning...went to class/studied until noon...and then ate with his wife. Then from 1 to 5 he was at the college in class and studying...then he ate with his wife. Finally, at about 6 he returned to the college until 10 or 11. Then he went home to get ready for it to all start over again. He studied also anywhere from 4 to 10 hours on Saturdays and took Sundays off. Wow...what a schedule! Therefore, if I seem like I'm not keeping in touch or not being a good friend...please bare with me. This school is going to be the biggest challenge of my life...and I look forward to it...but it will not be easy.

As I sat in some of our orientation lectures, I heard professors and students say "this will be one of the most difficult, challenging, and vigorous years of your life"....followed by "relax". Hmm...not exactly the first thing I was thinking...but I guess I'll have to try.

When it comes down to it, law school will be my job for the next 3 years...I'll work probably 60 or more hours per week as a law student...that's how I have to look at it. It's either studying or working construction...I'll take studying.

The one thing I do dread, however, is the possible hit that my spiritual life will take. I have had an amazing year...a break-out year spiritually...and I don't want to lose that progression. I fear that. When I get deep into school work, I find that my mind becomes clouded and I can't think spiritually anymore. I cease to see religious parallels in life...I become concerned about school work and engrossed in it. I hope that in the next 3 years I can continue to have time to read scripture and grow in the way that really matters...I want my heart and spirit to be nourished before my mind...and these next 3 years, it will be tempting to place my mind first.

I could use your prayers in the next year...if not 3 years. I appreciate everyone's friendship and I have learned a great deal from all of you. This could be one of my last blog postings for awhile...thanks for reading, and I hope to post as much as possible. Take care!

Black Sonnet

I laid down the basic tracks today to my first "single" if you want to call it that. My brother has been into music for about the last 12 years and has recorded a couple cds in studios. He's recently taken that knowledge and experience and invested in a home mini-studio for recording demos. I've been working on a song for the last couple weeks...I came up with the melody, chords (except or the chorus), and lyrics...and my brother Tim helped me with some structure and also recorded it. The song is called Black Sonnet. Oddly enough, I couldn't tell you where it came from...I was sitting next to a guitar, picked it up...played the chord progression and started singing the song. Sometimes it happens like that. Anyway, here's the lyrics:

Black sonnet, when the poets have died
and your skin is crawlin' from the inside out
Girl, you know you're never gonna be the same.

Black river, when the sun won't shine
and your head is spinnin' from the inside out
Girl, you know you're never gonna be the same

but you can call on my name.

Black marriage, when the feelings are gone
and your heart is bleeding from the inside out
Girl, you know you're never gonna be the same.

Black religion, when it asks you to fight
and your soul is pleading from the inside out
Girl, you know you're never gonna be the same.

but you can call on my name...but you can call on my name.

It could be one of my more interesting writings. Black, obviously used often to describe or give a negative feel, is used in this song to symbolize everything that is wrong with the noun immediately following it.

"Black sonnet"...the true poets have died (not necessarily physically, but inside...hence "crawling from the insie out"...they no longer write with love and fail to see the true beauty and poetry in life...poetry is therefore dead).

"Black river"...nature no longer used or appreciated in it's original form. We try to "improve" it...but we often destroy the true beauty there...in other ways we pervert it...people pervert sexuality (a natural thing) and therefore it becomes black and evil. Again, it is our hearts with which we pervert things (from the inside out).

"Black marriage"...a lyric that I thought about in relation to a friend I have that recently went through a rough marriage. Marriage, again a beautiful thing perverted by the hearts of man...when true love is not shared it's the heart that suffers and scars the inside (heart bleeding from the inside out).

and finally...

"Black religion"...inspired by recent events in the Middle East and refering to Islam. I have to believe that the souls of Muslims are pleading "from the inside out" with truth because their religion seems to lack love and ultimately Jesus. It really makes no sense to fight pysically in the name of religion...if God wanted the bodies of our enemies to die, I think he's strong enough to take care of it (and then he would most likely outsource that work to an archangel who,as seen in the Old Testament, has a history of killing thousands of people at the same time.) We struggle not against flesh and blood...therefore a religion must be black if it calls you to physically kill your enemies. Jesus' religion offers the opposite of black...white...because it says to pray for your enemies and turn the other cheek. Revolutionary.

The answer to the darkness in the world...the lyric "but you can call on my name" is a direct reference to Jesus as the answer...and the humility it takes for us to call on his name and admit our dark ways and come to terms with our dark world.

If I get the song finished soon, I'll try to put it up on the internet...peace.

Intellectual/phsycial highs

I was thinking today about different feelings that I like...and I think the favorite physical feelings I have are directly related to my spirit/mind. Sounds kinda strange, but I don't really know how else to explain it...and when I try, you'll probably get it.

There's something strangely warm (get a warm feeling in your chest) about drinking a cup of coffee and reading a book. I know it's not just the coffee because I get the same feeling when I put in a good CD that seems to trigger the same feeling. These CDs give me that feeling....

1. Jack Johnson (at times)
2. Bob Dylan (the deep songs)
3. Lauren Hill (weird, huh?)
4. Jewel (the old stuff)
5. Norah Jones (all of it)
6. Natalie Merchant (new cd with all folk songs)

I don't know what the deal is with these cds, but I think they all have one thing in common. They all say something. They put me in a deep thinking mood...I think that deep thinking mood and the warm feeling all go together. I don't really know what it is or why it feels cool...but it always sounds appealing. The weird thing is...I don't think I'd listen to these CDs all the time...they are kinda cds that you listen to only when you wanna think. I don't get that either. Anybody else get what I'm sayin? Really deep movies also make me feel good for days...watched Cold Mountain a couple days back...good stuff.

I think everybody has things they do that just feel good...some have sports, others go and chill with friends...and both of those things make me feel good too. There's just a different good feeling you get from reading a book or thinking deep about a CD or movie. Unexplainable to me, but true.

Law and the Spiritual Order

This may in fact be one of my more boring posts for those of you out there who couldn't care less about the law. These past couple of days I've been reading through cases and trying to figure out the law...it's difficult with the American system...not always cut and dry. See, in cases, Judges apply "rules" or actual laws...these laws can be looked up in state statutes. There is a law against murder, a law against stealing, etc. These laws are pretty cut and dry...that's not the confusing part. The confusing part is how to apply these laws to everyday occurances. What happens when a person is using a stick to keep two dogs from fighting and accidentally injures a bystander? Is he responsible...should the court make him pay? There are legal rules and laws set up that serve as guideposts...but sometimes cases are so strange and may involve various legal rules...that it is up to the Judge to make a final decision. In the United States, we use a "common law" system. That means we have statutes (federal and state laws [constitutions]) and case law...which is legal precedent in applying statutes to everyday situations. Someone can say...I know I have the right to free speech...that's a statute...but the case law often defines exactly what that means and looks like.

When the KKK was burning crosses, the Supreme Court used case law to decide that burning crosses was not "free speech"...you won't find mention of burning crosses or the KKK in the Constitution...a Judge ultimately had to decide what the Constitution meant in that particular situation.

O.k. I hope that made some sense. I understand this stuff...but it's kinda difficult to explain...and it can be very dry. It was in the middle of all this legal jargon and boredum that I began to think of the Bible and law...legalism, etc.

I guess in the Bible, we have both statutes and case law don't we? The ten commandments and much of leviticus could be considered statutes...they're commands...do this, don't do that. But, in the natural human way, people began to interpret what those commands meant. Different sects of Judeaism sprang up, all trying to live in accordance with God's law as they saw fit. In this, we can see "cases" of individuals who followed God's law...Moses' life, David's life, and ultimately....Jesus' life. When Jesus came, I think he kind of set the precedent for all of us. In a sense, he said "Here's what my Father said...and I will show you what he means through my living example." Jews would ask him popular religious questions of the day and he would answer, shedding his Light upon the true meaning of the law.

Now, we have the Holy Spirit as our legal council to guide us in the way we should act...letting us know what Scripture means. When I think of this, I understand more and more that it isn't our place to Judge. It's a full time job following Jesus' example. I think he simplified it all for us. We don't have to be the ones to decide what the law means...he showed us. We don't have to be intellectual legal wizards to understand God's commands...we just need to follow the example of Christ. Life is complicated and times are hard...but we can't go wrong when we follow Him.

Fears

I went to my brother's house tonight to watch a movie. The movie was kinda lame (we all agreed) but it's always fun to hang out with Tim and Anissa. We always seem to have a great time and laugh a lot...good stuff. Anyway, I have been doing some of my first law school assignments. For the first year, they pick your classes and professor. I will be taking a class on Contracts, Property, Torts (negligence claims, etc.), Civil Procedure (how to take a civil case to court....and hopefully win), and Legal Research and Writing (I can tell this one is going to be exciting). Anyway, I've briefed a couple of cases and have read some of my first assignments for these classes. To my surprise, I really have understood and enjoyed a great deal of it. I have spent an hour here or two hours there completely emersed in my books and didn't realize where the time went. Part of this is because I really have absolutely nothing better to do...partly because I really do enjoy learning about the law. It's actually interesting stuff....learning about people who are upset because something happened to them and they want to know if they can get a legal remedy...maybe a way to help people?

Anyway, in speaking with my brother, I found that law school is not going to be a walk in the park. I guess I knew that...but I know that the next year and possibly three years of my life will be dedicated almost fully to my new study. I would be lying if I said I didn't think about it a bit too much...maybe fear it a little. Everything in my life up to now (as far as schooling is conscerned) has led me to this point...4 years of political science...high school....etc. The truth is, I've posisitioned myself to be a lawyer since I was in the 3rd grade...strange but true. So what if I get there and flunk out...I put in all the time, effort, and energy and I'm not good at it....or, what if I absolutely hate it all? If I fail here...I guess I don't know what my next step would be...getting a job...but where? What skill do I have...I would be someone who prepared for law school but didn't like/make it. Though I doubt that possibility...it still scares me for some reason. If I don't become a lawyer, I will probably have to settle for a job I don't like...hopefully be able to provide for my family if I have one and make ends meet. I may not be able to use all the gifts God has given me in my profession...I could hate my job and be there 8 hours a day for the rest of my life...till I retire...if I can retire.

Read the above and tell me that those aren't the thoughts of a crazy person. Crazy but true thoughts...thoughts that have run through my mind if even for a split second. When I was younger, I used to fear dying early...in the 6th grade, I feared that I wouldn't sleep enough and wouldn't be ready for school in the morning (had to have 8 hours of sleep...I read it somewhere)...so I would stay up at night worrying that I wouldn't sleep...and I wouldn't. I used to fear the mile run...I used to fear that my dead great-grandmother would come in my room at night while I was sleeping. Fear...fear...fear. It can be crippling if you let it. To the above, I have to say..."so what?" What if all that rang true...would I still not be a follower of the one and only Christ? It took me awhile to come to this pattern of thinking...but now it is easier and easier to revert back to...I don't dwell on fears so much anymore. I find that I can do the absolute best I can do...and that is all.

I'm so thankful that on judgement day we are not judged based upon our accomplishments but based on our faith and subsequent actions in Christ. Does it matter then? Yeah, I want to be a lawyer and I'll try my hardest...I won't give a half effort and then say "see, God just didn't want me to be a lawyer." If I give my full effort and fail...then I know something more exciting is out there for me. That puts me at ease.

I remember having another insomniac episode in high school (9th grade) and worrying all about assignments/sleep/projects, etc. I finally looked up the word "worry" in the Bible and came quickly to this verse...and it became a motivating factor in my life to change the crippling worry I had dealt with in my life before then.

Matthew 6:25-34
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

So...as long as I seek the Kingdom and His righteousness above all else...everything will fall into place. If you think about it...pray for me in this first year...I'll need strength...but with God's help I'll make it through...nothing to fear.

Trust...

This week I had an experience that would have probably escaped my notice on normal days...in fact, the event escaped my notice until a few days later (today) I thought about the action in greater depth. This event would normally escape my and others' notice because it is seen as a small action...but as I evaluated it, I came to see that this small action had large implications...and even a Biblical parallel.

I was out with friends the other night when one of my friends didn't have enough cash, so I spotted her $2 (in today's world run by plastic cards, it's almost a rarity to be asked for cash alone...this circumstance required it). Anyway, I had the extra $2 to spare and didn't think much of it. She assured me that she'd pay me back and I told her it wasn't necessary...then she assured me again. I guess sometimes you make mental notes without thinking about it. I didn't really think about the "transaction" until Sunday when she paid me the $2 back...again I told her it wasn't necessary and again she insisted...so I put her at ease and took it back. I didn't think about it again until today because the $2 didn't exactly put me ahead and I would have been perfectly fine without it. When I got to think about it, however, I noticed that more than $2 was exchanged in the action.

The point isn't the $2 at all, is it? The point is that my friend kept her word even when it wasn't necessarily all that big of a deal...and when I didn't seem to care. Truth is...I could care less about the $2...but I care a great deal about the trust that I can share with a friend. If she wouldn't have paid me back, I wouldn't have cared about the money...but I would still wonder if her word was still gold. If I can't trust someone to pay back $2 when they insist they will...could I trust them with $100 or $1,000? Furthermore, my friend showed to me that her word was worth something to her. She wanted to give me back the $2 not because I necessarily would miss it, but because she said she would...she wants me to know that I can trust her and that she would expect the same ability to trust me in return. She has a noble character...and I could tell all because she paid me back $2. Jesus expects the same from us.

Luke 16:10-12
10"Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. 11So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches? 12And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else's property, who will give you property of your own?

Chances are, I can trust my friend with a great deal...not only money, but personal things too...it makes sense. Similarly, when Jesus entrusts us with small tasks or small things (like our money)...he is waiting to see what we do with them. Do we value our character (and ultimately, Him) enough to do the right thing, even when it seems that no one is looking and that it "doesn't really matter?" If we can't be trusted to serve those around us...what would make Him think we would serve Him forever in Heaven? Money then is truly an instrument of exchange...but what is being exchanged? Power? Success? Or more importantly...trust? Things on this Earth all pass away...we can see it in our lifetimes and we ourselves will eventually pass.

It seems that everything material around us really doesn't quite matter in the grand scheme of things then...but the principles in how we deal with material things and whether we let those things control us does matter. I hope that makes sense...it's hard to explain what I'm thinking...but it makes sense in my head. Anyway, I know that I can trust friends with big things if they go out of their way to keep their word on little things....and I want to be able to be trusted with little things on Earth simply to show Jesus that I want Him to know I'm in this thing for the long haul.

Quiet

Today we had another sermon on being quiet at Church. It was based on the Rob Bell NOOMA video on silence...I've seen it before. Be quiet and you might hear God's voice...cut down on the audible noise, the visual noise, and the mental noise that we all deal with every day. I guess that's a good thing. Again, I just don't like how even with this new movement of thought within the Church I have already heard the same sermon three times in three different places. There are 66 books in the Bible which are all relevant to today's times. With 66 books in the Bible...do we need an outside book to steer the Church? Probably not. Outside books are o.k....I'm just suggesting that we as a Church aren't exactly digging deep on our own. Enough about that.

Truth is...I haven't really felt inspired to write a whole lot lately. I've had great experiences with friends and I've been on two mission trips, but I find that few things inspire me more than pain. It sounds morbid...but it's true. Two things make me feel close to God...serving others and going through difficult times. Those two types of events, oddly enough, also make me feel closest to myself. I guess I agree that you can concentrate more on God in the quiet...but I feel as if he's waiting for me at the homeless shelter or waiting for me to call out to him in dispair. When I sit at Church in quiet I hear nothing. I think about God for a bit and pray a bit...then my mind wonders off. I think about what I'll eat for dinner...what I did the day before...what someone really meant when they said something...where my education will take me...I wonder if I've spent too much money the week before...then I think about going to Sonic for a drink. I feel bad about thinking all of that...but then I think "Tom, you've got to connect with God in your way. You've never actually audibly heard his voice, so actually being physically quiet probably won't make much of a difference...but you've been moved while reading the Bible. You've felt His approval when you serve others and you've seen His providence in daily life."

So often I think we try to discern God's will in our lives and we "listen to God" and end up making irrational decisions saying "God told me to do it" when we actually mean we felt a strong urge to do something. I think God made us rational individuals for a reason. We ask questions and then we wonder if he'll answer. He already did, didn't he? He's given us commandments to follow and he's set out the correct way to live with example after example in the Bible of ways in which people have practically put God's word to use.

I guess I use the quiet to think. I use it to ponder what God has said in his Word and think about how I am and am not reflecting His Word in my life. Thinking is good and if I actually felt like God was urging me to do something, I of course would follow. But we must use the Word of God to discern urgings from God and urgings from Satan....temptations for commandments...being righteous from being selfish.

Prayer of Saint Francis Assisi

I was recently looking through my mom's scrap book from her childhood. She grew up Catholic (as did my dad) and there is naturally a lot of Catholic "memorabilia" (for lack of a better word) in her scrap book. On the last page is a picture of my grandpa Bob Ahlin. My grandpa was a professional painter in Hastings from about 1940 to 1980 or so...he died in 1995 at the age of 75 after a long life of abusing alcohol. I myself have learned a great deal from the life of my grandpa, though I never really knew him.

I knew about him...and that was enough. I wouldn't call him an evil man...he never abused my mom physically...but he didn't exactly provide for his family all that well...he did, however, provide plenty of alcohol for himself. One of the reasons I have stayed away from alcohol all of these years can be attributed to the life of my grandpa. I don't believe in getting drunk...I have an occasional beer...but it is the words of Jesus and the first-hand and second-hand experience (first-hand of watching my grandpa drink himself to death...second-hand from seeing what it did to my mom and hearing about her childhood) I have had with my grandpa that keeps me from repeating this so-called "hereditary" sin.

That said...I found an amazing prayer on the back of my grandpa's funeral program. It was a Catholic funeral...and on the back of the program I found the Prayer of Saint Francis Assisi...the prayer seems to wrap up the Christian life (odd coming from a religion that many believe is completely off base). Anyway...here it is...interesting stuff:

Prayer of Saint Francis Assisi
Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow Love.
Where there is injury, pardon,
Where there is doubt, faith,
Where there is despair, hope,
Where there is darkness, light,
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled,
as to console,
to be understood, as to understand;
To be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive-
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

...one of the most beautiful and true writings I have read outside of the Bible...